So, here goes.

Clearly, forgot my WHAT WENT WELL for yesterday, so here goes!!!

1. Made a journey binder, not nearly complete and will be a work in progress.

2. Half hour brisk walk and out door yoga in Charlestown.

3. ROTD on Yelp!

Yayy.

What Went Well

I have a long draft waiting to publish but as I collect my thoughts, I press on.

What a drunk post the other night eyy, man oh man. Have I been on a kiddie coaster.

Anyways, new day. New topic. See photo.

Alas - day one of - WHAT WENT WELL?

1. I completed part one of a reconcile/comparison project at work.

2. Looked into alternative fitness opportunities in addition to training.

3. Did laundry, cooked, cleaned, showered and actually got in bed at about 9pm, SHOCKING for me as of late.

See, now let's do this everyday or close to - what went well for you today?

Thanks to that post by #JaimeBaird which can be found at - http://www.fitnessrxmag.com/win-the-day/1547-happiness-boosters.html

Ex nay on the label yay.

I mean, I really let myself down this time. As I think about this tapping of the keys, I cringe. There's so much happening and I have a drafted post on the work server.

But what are we supposed to do?

So, side track I went from jamming silently to Kelly Clarkson to MILLYZ, cause he's awesome.

But anyways, back to the topic. What to do.

About a lot. Single to mingle.

I make a lot of bad decisions.

Oh hi.

I wanna snuggle with MILLYZ voice right now. He. So. Sexy.

Oh hi.

So this is where I'm going with this, I fucked up last winter. I shouldn't have like just forgot anything. I shouldn't have been like all about a certain someone. I wouldn't have gained and I would have been great, FUCK it could be me.

Could. And that's where I put myself.


Ex nay on the label yay. I honestly don't think there is competition, please I heard familia perspective but it's like what did happen and how to fix it..

Although. Let's be honest, there's a solid friendship. Ehh. What to do.

Oh. Hi. Draft. Post. Still. In. Que.

OOOH I'M POSTING MINUS EDITING. EAT SHIT. POOOPS.

Kaeng Raeng - Day One

THIS NEVER HAPPENED BUT... I drafted it! Hahhaa, so here it goes.
________________
I began this morning, June 24. This post is being written as the day goes on.


Quick rundown on myself. I am 25 years old, 178lbs, 5'4". I've recently been very into staying fit and watching my weight. I've lost 25 since December 2011.


The first drink I made was Reunn Joyful (strawberry, raspberry, pineapple) and I mixed it with Keifer, coconut water, frozen banana and peaches and some spinach. It was on the thick side, I generally like my smoothies that way.


It was good, I drank half of in the bottle prior to a 4 mile walk and the other half afterward.


It went well, tasted fine. I think that for when I make lunch, I'll make it a bit more liquidy.


I ate a large bowl of veggies after another two miles. I had some yellow pepper, cucumber and carrots. At that moment I wanted to change my mind and quit.


More background - my roommate is having people over for a BBQ later. I'm wicked smart to begin today but some shit in my life hit the fan this morning so I decided today was the day while visions of turkey burgers dance in my head.


I stay drinking water on the daily, I think at this moment (3:09pm), I've drank 80 ounces thus far and see myself drinking at least 2x that the remainder. Water is amazing. I'm sickly addicted.


I went to Stop and Shop to pick up a few items, all fresh veggies and fruit for my adventure here.


I made ---- when I got back. Because my blender is at work, I made it with the magic bullet, and made three packed cups with spinach, blk water, pineapple, pieces of banana, mixed berries, green chille, cottage cheese. I'm not sure if the cottage cheese is acceptable but yogurt is for the mixing part and I have some that will be going bad soon so I'm using it.


It tastes okay, nothing to rave about but also need to zone in on what I want to be mixing these with.


At this point, I want to focus on eyes on the prize but this is hard. I thought I could do it and I hope I can.. need to keep pushing positives in my mind.


Made 2nd small drink and added water for the liquid. I want to quit. This is so hard. I'll make a bowl of veggies to see what happens.


I will be doing a green pepper, celery, carrots, jalapeño and tomato. It kills me not to be able to put hot sauce/ tabasco with my veggies cause that's how I eat them. I mean it's just so damn good.


430pm - totally about to give up. I am just so hungry. I can't get even sort of full.


I've only peed 3x today too, even with my daily highly intake of water I usually pee more but not today. Weird.


By 515pm, I am done, I need food.. nauseous, headaches.. sick.

Warrior Dash 2012

Support St Jude and myself as I make the journey to Las Vegas to compete in the Warrior Dash in October.

Visit my page!

Thank you for your continued support <3

Punishing me for the mistakes I've yet to learn.

I try really hard to not think about the "what ifs" in my life. Like, so hard that I'm actually, pretty much, almost always thinking about them. They're like a hang nail you're trying to ignore, let's be real for a moment.. ya can't damn well ignore it too dang much can ya?

Nope.

Didn't think so.

So let's begin.

As of recent, I've begun to think of my daily actions as selfish and foolish. I'm only thinking about myself pretty much all the time. Right, isn't that what we should all be doing? That's what I thought. So in this ME ME ME mentality if we all thought that way, heck we all do think that way. It's probably what's really wrong with the world today.

End tangent, back on topic.

The me right now was the me at the start of 2006, I'm coming full circle. I had experience a huge heart break to wrap up 2005 (well that year was a disaster but I'll get to that later) and was stepping out into my own as a drunk college student. I went ballistic. Pretty much, it doesn't totally need to be explained.

I can sum that up with the following;

Although I'm a little ashamed of how I acted between then and August of 2008 (that date explained later), I couldn't take it back because they not only held the most painful times of my life to date, but also the happiest times. I can't regret the things I enjoyed, none of us can. Even if times were tough we all know it can get harder. It will. Life's proven that to me in many ways and punishing me for the mistakes I've yet to learn.

With that noted, I still contemplate the "what if I...." because it's easy to put the blame on something else. I've put together and unofficial list of them.

- What if my Uncle never passed?
- What if I had never met "him 1"?
- What if I hadn't gone to college?
- What if I hadn't lived in the dorm?
- What if I hadn't lived with "the cunt"?
- What if "him 1" and I never broke up, or at least like we did?
- What if I hadn't become a self destructing time bomb?
- What if I wasn't the whore of the dorms?
- What if I didn't disappoint my parents to much?
- What if I hadn't fallen for "him 2"?
- What if "him 2" stayed clean long enough at this point to hold conversation? - this one makes me so upset
- What if I never met "her"?
- What if I kept that sales job?
- What if I had chosen a different major, college, career path, etc.
- What if I never met "him 3," the destroyer of life itself.

Boring you yet? Feel free to comment your "what ifs...".

Let's discuss the last one real quick. If you recall up above, my self destruction period ended abruptly on August 6, 2008. That's when I met "him 3," the destroyer of life. See, as someone on the wrong path and I clearly knew it. I felt so safe from what I was doing to myself that I got so caught up in being tamed. Up until that very moment I can honestly say I had zero intention of having a man in my life. It makes me livid. Livid to type this, that from the moment my eyes landed on this "man," I knew I needed to have him.

It makes me fucking sick.

I threw away everything to be with him and for what? Oh my lawd. I'm getting heated. So.

He wasn't all that bad. We had some good times, like 6 months. Then, well. You know. When we're good, we're good and when we're bad, we're not speaking. Eh. "IT IZ WUT IT IZ," right?

I need to change topics here.

Perhaps another post at a later date about "him 3," the destroyer? It's a love/hate type of deal there and it would totally take this thing way too long so I want to wrap this one up before I spill too more of the chunky details.

Back to the topic.

As you can see my brief list of "what ifs," was actually sort of lengthy and I could totally go on about things I want to change in my life. It doesn't help and it makes things worse. I guess what I'm trying to get at is, the way see that I'm acting now is the "grown up" version of me when I broke out in 05/06.

I can honestly say its a little mind fucking, I know what it will bring. I know how I may feel. I can't predict anything but I'll just go right out and say it - this will probably be one of the best years of my youth as long as I let it be. I'm embracing all the changes that have happened thus far and although everything isn't completely in place, I see some great times to come.