Friday, April 27, 2012

Let's be honest for a moment.

Here it is.  What really irks me about online dating. YES. I went back, I had deactivated my account for a bit but really how can I not partake in such hysterical shenanigans?  I must be a loser like the rest.  Suuuursly.

So, here it is.

Usernames like the following;
-          Badboy4u### –really, oh yeah baby I want a bad boy, not.  Okay.. maybe I’m attracted to those kind of guys but I don’t want you to be so aware and youre unaware you make yourself less attractive
-          Sexgod###does this need an explanation?
-          Slave4u## – Britney Spears, classy
-          Teddybearluvin – ew
BostonBoy###, Beantown### - so many of these it’s hard to tell which one you thought was cute plus it’s so damn generic, I can’t tell you how many there are out there

So, usernames are just funny.  I can’t say that mine is any damn better and I can’t see what other females are using for themselves, but I do know a few girls on there and one has it about Bruins and another has something to do with the ocean.  Mine is pretty terrible, considering I didn’t actually sign up for the site with the right intentions and I was also drunk at the time so I have a fail-fail.. but my name is also true.  Follow my Twitter to see what I mean.

THEREFORE, maybe I’m not creative enough. Nah, I am pretty damn creative.  Toot-toot on my own horn; beeeeep. Lame joke.

Next up, photos.  The most important part of the page, honestly.  Honest-ly.  Let’s face it, we all just click to the photos first and if we like what we see there’s the 50-50 we actually read the About Me, which will be next up of course.

Here’s some descriptions of what I have as photos.  Two of me at the Pat’s game, one of my singing karaoke, two full length shots to show I ain’t a cow/ard (one in Vegas, one in Baton Rouge) and one self-picture but it’s so dang artsy.  I think that’s sort of the type of photos everyone should have.  No damn mirror pictures.  Show that you go out, that you do stuff.  I have people in one of the photos I cropped to protect the innocent but let me tell you that I see a lot of pictures and I saw.. does this kid go out? Does he do stuff? He doesn’t get tagged in Facebook photos, clearly because there is nothing to tell here.  Boring. 

And what is with dirty mirror pictures.  You know exactally what I am talking about. Mirror shots and filthy things happening all around. Hun, I am absolutely not focusing on you at all.  What is that on the mirror? And your toilet.. BELCH.  Suuuursly.

Another gripe, being too close for comfort with another woman in your pictures when it clearly isn’t the kids sister.  That’s a no-no.  Really, just a friend but you’re showing yourself to girls saying you want a relationship? Turn. The. Fack. Off.  I wouldn’t dare post a photo of me kissing a guy on the cheek on my page, so why should a guy be able to do that?

Final topic of the day, the About Me and various messages you receive.  So important, yet so difficult.  Some guys spill their entire story on there, like TMI buddy… TMFI.  Some give their phone numbers in the area.  Really? Like, have you any brains at all.  A decent brained female would never give you the time of day if you’re out there broadcasting you ish like a creeper.  I would certainly not engage in any conversation with the said individuals who do that. 

So let’s dive into the moment you see the picture and you’re like okay.. what’s their About Me section like? So you read and it’s like kinda dry along the lines of. “Hey what’s up I don’t know what to put here so just message me and ask.”  Lame.  Everyone’s interest sort of are similar as a 20-30 year old.  Drink. Party. Sleep. Eat. Work. Sports.. like we get it but some substance is cool too.  Although, then there’s the line of TOO much substance, like so much you’re like eh good thing I looked at this.

My about me is pretty minimal, I don't have much substance to it but guys don't have the mental capacity of a female to I'm sure even care the slightest about what I have to say.  Again, I'm sort of on this for the wrong reasons and it's become a joke with my circle of friends who also partake in online dating.  Let's face it, I don't actually meet any of the people one here, never mind actually hold conversations with them for long on the site.  I get sort of bored.

There’s also spelling errors, grammatical errors, paragraphs wait.. there wasn’t a single line break there.  It would almost be like reading this entire blog post without any line breaks.  Wouldn’t that be so much fun?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.. so why would someone be interested in reading it when you can barely decipher  what they’re saying? It’s like eh, I give up.

When someone writes a message to you and you can tell it’s completely copied and pasted to about 150 girls that same day, you can ignore it and wait for the same message to come a week later OR you can fcuk with them.  That’s the most fun.  Yep, mind games.  They want to think they got you with their clearly pasted blurb but us women are smarter than men and we can one up you every time.  Beware.

Or what about the guys that live at least 6-9 states away from MA and they write you saying how great of a match they think you’d be.  Because, clearly when you live in Ohio, that’s going to work perfectly.

Scratch that final topic part.  I want to touch upon the fact that you’re going to virtually bump into people you know on said online dating site from time to time.  You can make the mistake of saying, OH I KNOW HIM and click his page, laugh and then realize.. OH HE NOW KNOWS I WAS HERE.. thanks recent views.  Shucks, and I wanted to be discrete.  Oh and then they see it, view you and get this, message you! When you very well know that this guy HAS your phone number and is Facebook friends with you.  What a failure moment.  Great.

Now, I know I'm not perfect and no catch but let's be honest for a moment.  We can all complain, it's part of life.  So, ladies of the online dating universe, what are your thoughts about all this.  I know I’ve only hit these topics briefly but let’s have it.  I want to hear what you think, guys too.  Come on kids, don’t be shy.


  1. the mirror thing cracked me up, so true!

  2. also, you ARE a catch. any one who is lucky enough to know you understands what I mean!

  3. Oh man. This is why I almost never use my OKcupid.