cliche resolution here

I started off yesterday, January 3, 2011; beginning with what I thought was just going to be the Special K Challange. It turned into a combination of both that and Weight Watchers. I went to the meeting last night, thought it would be a little different than it was but it was helpful on introducing the new PointsPlus Program. It was my first time with WW, so the new program seemed straight forward to me, but much different than the previous set up, which I could see how it would be difficult getting used to the switch.


I've been struggling with a significant weight gain for about 2-3 years now. I used to be a 5'4", size 4/6, D's and about 135/40lbs. That was after my first year of college, 2006; where I had lost a good amount of weight thanks in part to a very emotional breakup. Since 08, I have put on about 50lbs, where I have become so unknown to the body I now have, I can't deal with it. I have become a person I don't know. I've gone to the gym [on/off; due to motivation and no results] since 08 and still struggle with the losing of this excess weight.

I am now about 190lb on a good day and have upped myself to a size 12/14 pants, 16 top, which really takes a big toll on the esteem, as anyone can imagine. I find it disgusting and shameful; especially with people down my back about how fat I've gotten. It's embarassing and makes trying to get better really difficult because I just want to hide.

I try NOT to blame it on my now boyfriend of a little over two years. The weight gain started before I met him; but greatly increased during the time we've been together. It's on me, I want to put blame on other people/things, it's human nature.

I stopped wanting to go out with my friends because it was unacceptable to wear sweatpants at the club and I loathe clothes shopping, it's so depressing.

I need to get better. Need, for my health and morale.

That brings in the need for the gym and being active. When I go, I GO. It's getting to the GO part that is so hard. I have been a member at my current gym for over a year and I've gone on/off/on/off. They know me there, it's the new people that go for the resolutions, that I am embarrased to be around. My self confidence has diminished.

C