Friday, February 24, 2012

But it isn't. It isn't easy.

I should have done this long before but I just lost the motivation.

I want to give an example of what not to write to females on POF, I mean this is the back story.

We write back and forth a few times, the norm like.. Hi what's up, how's your day, what's your name, what kind of work do you do, oh that's cool, where do you live....  God forbid someone doesn't respond RIGHT back to someone else and a few hours pass.  When accused of something and demanding what someone is doing, you mention your day.. AND THIS..


Yes, what not to write to someone on a dating site.  I never 'ran my mouth,' I told him why I wasn't responding.  He took a simple, I don't always check this site, I was at work, gym.. whatever was said completely out of context. Regardless, should not writing those hate words be common sense? Me thinks so.  This is why I think men are insane.  Women aren't, no we aren't.  Here, take a look at this link; you are not crazy. 

"Gaslighting is a term, often used by mental health professionals (I am not one), to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy."

"Today, when the term is referenced, it’s usually because the perpetrator says things like, “You’re so stupid” or “No one will ever want you,” to the victim. This is an intentional, pre-meditated form of gaslighting, much like the actions of Charles Boyer’s character in Gaslight, where he strategically plots to confuse Ingrid Bergman’s character into believing herself unhinged."

#FACT - Thank you Yashar, see some of his other works.

How many times have I heard, 'no one will ever want you,' A LOT.  I can't count the times.  That a guy in my life had told me that I was too messed up for someone else to love me and that only he could.  Did I believe it? Yes.  Do I believe it? Yes but I'm breaking myself from that cycle.. right.  It's hard.  It isn't easy, I wish I could have some good advice for someone else but I don't.  I like to pretend I do but that is just wishful thinking.  Anybody can tell anyone anything to make it all sound good and easy but it isn't.  It isn't easy.

So is that POF message acceptable in todays society?  This is for sure not the norm for an online interaction but why did it have to go so far?  It is certainly #cyberbullying, it is ridiculous.  No one should ever have to say that to anybody, not to mention it's screen shotted, it's put into words that are forever embedded and now on the internet.  It is ridiculous behavior and I was honestly afraid.  Now, I reported him, blocked him and haven't heard from him since but I was still scared.  I never exchanged personal information with him, the messages only went back and forth about 10x but it wasn't a good feeling, I laughed it off but what else was I suppose to do.

This happened over a month ago and I actually had stopped using POF before that but my page was still up at the time and when I logged in I saw a few junk messages and a few I figured 'what the heck, I'll respond.'  Stupid haha.  It's all a learning experience but jeez, what was written and now immortalized, is a bit intense.  I feel bad for the poor soul that actually does meet this man.  

I don't use the site(s) as I did at the beginning of this project and I have definitely took the steps to end it, removing my pages from the sites but not due to this one jerk-off, due to.. shit I'm having fun right now why bother with dating?  Will I go back? Maybe, it was sort of fun to go 'shopping' for guys online.. but not now.  I'm not ready to do that.

Now, the single girl chronicles start. Welcome to a nightmare.  Are you coming along for the ride?


  1. if you need another single gal pal to be a wing-woman, I'm totally your girl!