Thursday, November 3, 2011

To realize things are changing.. or that things already did?

Slowly people.. everyone, begins to learn certain things at all sorts of different times. That's okay, we're all at different places at any given time but the main idea is that at some point, we learn what we need to know.

It's like how I thought that three years ago, I had found "the one." The one who would transform every aspect of your life into a spiraling disaster without even realizing it until it's too late.

That the best friend I thought I had for five years would boot me from her wedding 5 months to "I do."  The girl who took the dark side and couldn't even muster up the courage to give much reason to any of it.

Or someone you think you can tell everything and anything will get up and walk out at a trivial time during both parties lives. A person who you thought you could tell anything to and within a two week span literally becomes a stranger.

It's a weird feeling, emotional at times and upsetting; to realize things are changing. Or that things already did.

But have they really?

Is it you that is changing or them? Are you changing and they're staying the same? That is something no one really can decipher even if you want to pretend or say you know what's really happening.

For example, for "the one," he may have made you change because of the circumstances you were put under and the pressure made you crack. Would you still be the same as you were three years prior, today? Had you not had "the one" I'm your life? Or are you now someone you don't recognize? You weren't meant to be this way and you can't seem to get back to then.. are you suppose to?

The girl leaving you at the alter of friendship, you didn't change; it's clear. It's only clear because of her life was going through such a transition.  There was no escaping that the aspect of the friendship was going to change, be it minor or drastically. It ended up being drastic and it's over, to cut the losses.. fucking sucks, and you feel like a fool but it needs to be done.

For the confidant, is it a mix of both? Say you know someone for.. 4-5 years, you think you've seen it all.  The ups, the downs; you've been through arguments between one another and put them behind thinking the friendship was too important to let things get in the way. In that time, you've both been through changes and you've changed apart not together.

It's not that any one person wants to change, because really even though we all try and define it; WHAT IS CHANGE?

You don't want to change yourself unknowingly for someone you thought was it.
You don't want your friend to change and leave you behind.
You don't want to grow apart with your partner in crime.

No one wants that but no one can really stop it, there's no real control over it and I think the more you put control on something, the less control you actually have. 

The feeling is there much longer before its over, the feeling of loneliness because you know it's coming and there isn't much you can do to stop it. You can try and insert yourself around and the feeling of rejection is palpable until the cord breaks.

It's okay, roll with the waves; I'm still figuring it out, trying to at least so here I am. Attempting to blog again. I've always had things to say, I tried using twitter as an outlet but I just have too many things in my head to keep in. I've been with this saying I was going to blog for over a year now, with 2012 coming.. perhaps I will.

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